April 1, 2013: Heath Alert! Texting during sex, or coitus interruptexting (CI), is implicated in a dramatic increase in the number of emergency-room visits for treatment of abrasions on the lower jaw, cheek and nose from involuntary elbow jabs inflicted by one intimate partner on another. CI affects men and women equally (and is a growing problem in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships), often triggering temporary impotence in men and lack of orgasm in women. It's usually spontaneous, and rarely ends well.
The person afflicted with CI isn't aware of what's happening (before it's too late), but symptoms may include a Bluetooth earpiece and an "1812 Overture" ringtone (usually in men).
Dr. Mike's Cleveland Clinic Wellness Center is at the forefront of an effort to stop the spread of this highly contagious affliction. California is considering a statewide ban on texting during coitus, and it's already illegal to engage in CI while driving in most countries in Europe, most states in the U.S. and Canadian provinces.
If your long-term relationship is suffering from CI, our tip: Install a cellphone signal-blocker in the bedroom (jammers can be purchased for $50-$500 and can cover more than 1,000 square feet) or designate a specific time of day or location as a "safe time" or "safe place" in which cellphones are off-limits.
And if you're not in a long-term relationship and CI happens to you, take the budding romance offline pronto, before someone gets seriously injured.
© King Features Syndicate